


i need somebody (to love me naked)

by orphan_account



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, References to Depression, a teensy bit not a lot, yongguk says honest to god inspirational stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-02-13 11:01:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12982650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: a short drabble series of domestic banghim based off of ella mai's naked





	1. one

Himchan melts into the mattress and feels some parts of his day ebb into the air with an exhale. He’s learned to bottle things up, keep them away. It doesn’t make for pleasant conversation.

The bed dips as a familiar warmth flops under the covers. Himchan turns to the newcomer, curling his body until he’s flush against the skinny frame and looks up into the insomniac eyes of Yongguk. Himchan wears his shirt from this morning, ironed and pressed, but his pants are lost in room, strewn over a chair. Yongguk is still in his bed clothes from last night and sporting greasy hair from too many days of not washing his hair.

“Bbang, you smell,” Himchan mumbles, nose scrunching up in distaste.

He’s met with a low laugh. “I do not smell.” He leans in closer, nosing against Himchan’s sensitive neck. “New cologne?” he asks softly, lips brushing against skin.

Himchan grunts, wrapping an arm around Yongguk’s middle. For security. “Not really... it’s my old favorite scent.”

Yongguk hums, his hand splayed across Himchan’s lower back to press him closer. The elder rubs his fingers higher and higher on Himchan’s back, until he’s just between the shoulder blades.

“I messed up the pitch,” Himchan confesses into Yongguk’s shoulder, voice soft. Yongguk’s fingers massage their way against Himchan’s neck. “I mixed up the data.”

“It happens.”

“Always to me.”

Yongguk is quiet, calculative. “You’re too hard on yourself, Channie.” Yongguk responds, fingers tangling in Himchan’s hair. The ends of his lips curl into a small smile. “You’re good at your job. People make some mistakes. And that’s okay.”

Himchan shifts in Yongguk’s hold. “If I was good, I wouldn’t have messed up, Bbang,” he retorts, shoulders slumping. Himchan’s hands curl into fists against Yongguk’s chest.

“One day doesn’t define your whole life, Channie.” Yongguk presses his lips to Himchan’s forehead. “You’re more than one day.” He’s right. Himchan knows this, but he also feels a horrible rotting feeling in his chest.

Himchan purses his lips, brow crinkling in thought. “It was supposed to be perfect.” His voice is stronger, a little angry. He doesn’t want to sound upset, but it happens anyway and Yongguk is all too comfortable in accepting the pieces that blow off.

“Some days aren’t perfect. But that’s why we have tomorrows,” Yongguk says simply.

Himchan groans. “I’m having a moment and you’re literally sermoning me. Do you know how long I worked on that pitch? I can’t believe I messed up the data and you’re really gonna sit here and try to life coach motiv-- _are you laughing at me now_?” Himchan’s voice is indignant, fury at the lanky man laughing at his misery.

Yongguk’s arms are tight in their hold around Himchan’s middle. The younger almost rejects him, squirming in annoyance, but the overwhelming calming scent that is so very Yongguk has him reluctantly curling even closer. “I’m only laughing a _little_ bit,” Yongguk admits with a chortle. “But only because you’re... really cute, Channie.” He holds Himchan tighter. “All I’m saying is give yourself a break. You do good work everyday. Today doesn’t change that.”

Himchan’s cheeks flush. “I know that. It just... doesn’t feel good.”

“It’s a black key.”

Himchan blinks before looking up at Yongguk. He’s used to weird analogies, but even this is odd. “What?”

Yongguk grins down at him. “ **Life is like a piano. The white keys represent happiness, the black keys represent sadness—**

“Oh my god.”

“— **But as you go through life, remember that the black keys make music too**.”

Himchan rolls his eyes. “I literally hate you,” he grumbles, but the pain of the day slides off his chest and Himchan breathes easy. Yongguk ignores his words to close the distance between them.

“I love you, too.”

And despite his grumbles, Himchan grins into the kiss after just a moment.


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, i should mention that there are allusions to depression. very teensy, but fyi!

Himchan is used to coming home to Yongguk in all sorts. Whether it be a happy Yongguk, a brooding a Yongguk, or a missing Yongguk. What he’s not used to, no matter how often he sees it, is an empty Yongguk. And Himchan knows it happens sometimes. It happens when the emotions that Yongguk tries so hard to bottle up and throw away come flush against his face, pouring to get out until Yongguk is empty and devoid.

Himchan feels it in the air before he’s even fully stepped inside. Their apartment is usually warm, but on todays like this, it feels cold. Yongguk tips his head back a fraction to glance at Himchan. He offers the incoming man a small smile. He’s been trying to move from his position all day, but he feels rooted.

Yongguk’s shoulders are hunched up and he’s curled himself into the corner of the sofa. Somehow between the five steps it takes to get from the door to the sofa, Himchan places his fingers against Yongguk’s shoulder. It’s not as strong as Himchan is often used to.

“Hey, Bbang,” he says helplessly. Himchan wants to help, he does, but sometimes he feels at a loss. There’s not handbook for this. For helping your best friend, your boyfriend when their insides have gnawed their out and leave them cold and empty. But Himchan knows Yongguk and Himchan loves Yongguk. And he thinks it’s time to write that handbook.

Yongguk sighs into his touch and then tips his head forward just a little until Himchan’s hand on his shoulder has moved to his head. Himchan eases the lanky man back before climbing on the sofa. Yongguk’s brow twitches and something that sounds awfully reminiscent of a grumble starts at the back of his throat.

“I haven’t even tried to move you yet, Bbang. Calm down.”

The grumble stops and Himchan rests his head on the older man’s shoulder. “I gave my pitch to the board today,” he says carefully, in what he hopes is a calm tone. “The chair really liked it and even my supervisor's supervisor complimented me.” Himchan wraps an arm around Yongguk’s middle, curling closer until Yongguk is forced to lean back against the sofa, hunched over no longer.

“It’s just like you said, of course,” Himchan murmurs, sliding a leg over Yongguk’s thighs. “It’s just one day.” He prefers this docile Yongguk to the insomniac though. The one that walks from room to room in search of something. It’s exhausting, and Himchan is always worried that Yongguk will just collapse at some point.

Himchan places a warm palm on Yongguk’s belly before snuggling deeper. “You really shouldn’t be trying to rest here, you know?” Yongguk is breathing too heavily into the air, like he’s teetering on the edge of something deadly. “Yongguk.” HImchan tugs lightly at the fabric of Yongguk’s shirt, but Yongguk is a statue of misery and immobility.

Himchan sighs and settles back against the sofa. He waits until Yongguk says something, makes some sort of noise. There’s a creak of the floorboards and Himchan looks up. Yongguk’s feet are on the ground, firm and planted. Brown eyes catch and holds Himchan’s, until he swallows and looks away.

They stay like that for awhile, just the sounds of intertwined breathing in the air. Finally, Himchan says carefully, and very quietly, “Do you wanna shower, Bbang?” Yongguk doesn’t answer, just lets himself be tugged by Himchan towards the bathroom door. Yongguk follows without complaint, without any reservations.

Himchan is fast. He pulls at clothing and pants until they’re both naked and his skin is flushed from the nape of his neck to the tips of his ears. Yongguk watches him with the oddest look in his eyes. Himchan’s heart beats too fast, but he quells it with a deep inhale.

The water rushes down their backs, down Yongguk’s face. Himchan thinks it helps. He runs tentative fingers against tight muscles until Yongguk sighs and leans his head against Himchan’s shoulder. Himchan flinches at the touch.

Yongguk eases Himchan back until he’s against the shower wall. The older man’s fingers touch Himchan’s chin gently, making the younger look up. And then he kisses Himchan full on the lips. His mouth is warm and more comforting than Himchan is prepared for. Yongguk kisses softly and carefully, pulling back some emotions long lost. Himchan trembles against the wall, too shocked to do anything but let Yongguk’s mouth move languidly against his.

Himchan forgets to breathe.

“You’re turning purple,” Yongguk comments dryly when Himchan’s eyes are clenched shut.

There’s a quiet, wet snort from Himchan. “Maybe you take my breath away.”

“Don’t be so sardonic, love,” Yongguk says and resists the urge to place another softer kiss to Himchan’s lips.

Himchan sighs, all the air leaving him. Yongguk wants to breathe it all in, all the emotions and worries, Yongguk wants to feel. “How long?” he asks, reaching out a hand to scratch Yongguk behind the ear.

Yongguk shrugs. “Not very long. You coming back changed everything.” Yongguk looks down at Himchan with a small smile. He leans in to the side of Himchan’s neck and breathes him in. All of him.

Himchan opens his mouth, many things of his mind. Why is Yongguk upset? Why was he on the couch hunched over? Yongguk doesn’t talk. He doesn’t go into detail of his problems. He lets time and Himchan’s touches ward them away -- and his mouth. Yongguk slants his mouth over Himchan’s and Himchan sighs again, emotions pouring down Yongguk’s throat until his heart pounds against his chest and he can hear rush of it in his own ears.

“Thank you.”

That Yongguk receives so much attention from Himchan terrifies him sometimes and other times it’s exactly the reality check he needs to take a step forward.

“Do you wanna sleep?” Himchan asks, quietly.

“Not without you.”

Himchan makes an exasperated noise.


	3. three

Yongguk comes homes to the warm smell of cookies with an underlying scent of burnt brownies. He sighs, taking off his shoes before trudging through the apartment. 

“Channie?”

“Kitchen,” is the curt reply he gets. 

Yongguk peeks head in the kitchen to see Himchan bent over the oven with a knife poking into what appears to be brownies. Himchan mutters obscenities under his breath, before slamming the oven door shut. He’s still hunched over the oven, eyes closed this time. Yongguk can see the forced inhale and exhale that leaves the other’s lips.

“So what’s wrong?” Yongguk asks, stepping fully in the kitchen.

Himchan’s head snaps up quickly. “I’m just baking. Does something have to be wrong?” His voice is a little louder, lips thin and eyes narrowed.

Yongguk arches a brow in surprise. Yongguk thinks he and Himchan fit together well, that they understand each other well. But when Himchan takes a turn to snap at him, Yongguk grows uneasy and is lost on what to say. Yongguk’s mind spins as Himchan’s hand rest on a hip, nostrils flaring.

“No,” he replies quietly, eyes trained on the ground.

Himchan’s brows furrow in anger or annoyance, Yongguk can’t tell. There’s a thick silence that follows Yongguk’s word. Yongguk can hear the thundering of his heart in the depth of the silence. 

Seconds of tense moments pass, before Himchan’s shoulders sag. He exhales a breath of anger. His lower lip quivers slightly as he searches for the words to say. 

Yongguk glances up to see Himchan’s face paler than usual and his posture withdrawn even as he stands straight. Yongguk thinks there are times he can sense Himchan’s feelings, that they are that interlocked and right now, Himchan radiates weakness and defeat. Yongguk wants to take that all away and give him something better to feel, as if he can bear the pain and hardships of the pair all at once. 

Yongguk reaches out to Himchan. It’s his inevitable downfall because just like that, Himchan crumbles to the ground, his knees pulled up to his chest. Himchan presses his face into his knees, but Yongguk can still hear the muffled sobs. He stands above the crying man, hand still outstretched and heart still lost. Below, Himchan breaks. 

Yongguk bends at the knee, crouching beside the other. “I love you.”

Himchan looks up at him, chin resting on his knees, arms hanging loosely at his sides. “Even now?” His voice cracks, nervous and apprehensive. “Even when I’m like this?”

The kitchen is quiet again, Yongguk finding the right words. “Especially when you’re like this, Channie.”

A beat of silence and Himchan throws his arms around Yongguk’s neck, crashing into his arms. Yongguk’s cheeks flush a blotchy red, the affection of the other man always overwhelming. Yongguk embraces Himchan back, his arms strong and protective, everything Himchan needs in moments of breaking. Yongguk presses sloppy, angled kisses to Himchan’s cheeks. 

Himchan exhales a giggle. “Bbang, stop. You’re getting your saliva all over me.”

“You don’t always mind.”

“Bbang!”

Yongguk chuckles, pulling Himchan closer as he settles more comfortably on the floor. “Channie, you know I care about you, right?”

“I know,” Himchan replies quietly. “I know.”

“And I’m always here if you want to talk.”

Himchan buries his face into Yongguk’s chest. “Yeah.”

Yongguk runs his fingers through Himchan’s hair. He hums a light tune, something he’s been working on for awhile. It’s the last thing Himchan remembers before the exhaustion of the day has his eyes close.


End file.
